DH!

So dh and i had a long discussion last night, and i kinda got him to agree to a few counselling sessions, he says he wants us to work things out but he's just not ready, well i had made up my mind that it was over, i even met someone, but what was bugging me was the whole starting over thing, and the whole having a different guy around my son.Also, i was kinda worried about how things would go with us not being together and raising a child, and i dont think im up for all the difficulties....so hopefully we can work things out, we also discussed renewing our vows before the baby arrives.
What do u guys think?

Welcome ICLW'ers

If you're new to this blog welcome, feel free to comment as u like, and pls follow my blog.
Im not good on the whole 'about me ' bit but a quick run down, been ttc for a very long time off and on for about 10 yrs , couldn't do anything major as iui and so because of where im located,  did clomid unsuccessfully a number of times, went through dozens of poas moments all of which turned out BFN. Then one day i mustered up the courage to go and do a formal diagnostic test in order to get some answers, so i went and did an hsg, which to my horror, revealed bilateral tubal occlusion, was so distraught went to my ob/gyn hoping he would tell me the results were wrong, instead he said my only chance of getting pregnant was ivf.
So i decided to go with his idea, i contacted an ivf clinic in barbados and set my cycle for april 2012, started doing the tests required and then had to wait a few months to start meds, however in jan of said 2012 iaf was late as usual, so i just did a random poas just tp out my mind to rest so af would show up and what do u know BFP!

Lost support!

I never thought i'd be writing this sorta blog post. it seems to me that since ive gotten pregnant naturally, ive lost the support of u guys who are still trying and going through procedures, maybe it's because u think i was  lying all this time, but why would i be? I have not been preventing pregnancy since i was around 17yrs old, when i met dh  10 or so years ago we started actively trying, for the past 3 years i been undergoing treatments, (numerous clomid cycles), last march i did an hsg which confirmed my fears that i wouldnt be able to have children, because it showed my tubes were blocked,i then decided to move onto ivf right away , as was recommended by my ob/gyn, and was scheduled for my first ivf cycle in april(actually i probably wouldve been right in the middle of it now) but by some miracle(which i needed as i didnt knw how i was going to pay for the ivf) i found myself pregnant, in jan of this year.
After saying all this, it just hurts me deeply to see that the community i thought i belonged to has abandoned me, there are time when i come on here(like now) feeling so low, needing a little comment to cheer me up, and nothing!
Anyway i hope u guys are doing ok, every once in a while i stop in and comment on ur blogs but dont check for responses cause that may be disappointing to also find none!

News!

so i went in for an u/s at 17w 5 d and it was absoloutel awesome, i actually for the first time saw the baby, my baby in there. Going in to the u/s i was so nervous what if something had gone wrong and the baby was dead, or worst yet there was no baby! Anyway i mustered up the courage and went in ...as the tech put the gel and the probe on my belly, my heart sank as she rolled it around and didnt say anything, then , she turned the screen my way and there it was, heart beating, jumping around arms and legs moving away, it was the most incredible experience i had to date.....and now for the good news
IT'S A BOY!

fb announcment

So , i officially announced my pregnancy on facebook, at 17 weeks i think its abou safe! Anyway dh and i are separated, long story, not sure where this is gonna head but im not gonna make it keep me down .
MY blog hasnt been getting much attention these days, but dont worry ill be joining the april iclw , couldnt do the last few ones as i had my big exam earlier in the month.

Word of advice

so here i am at 14 weeks and feeling perfectly normal, i must be some kinda super pregnant woman! on top of that ive lost 2lbs.
I think now its finally sunk in and im actually excited, cant wait to start showing and then hopefully have my healthy baby. After waiting for so long its finally happened.
You knw people always tell you when you're trying to get pregnant you should just relax and not think about it cause the stress is just gonna keep it from happening........it's TRUE! For months when i was trying i was so focused on whether this cycle of clomid would be successful, if im ovulating, if my cervical mucous is hostile towards DH's sperm, if it was gonna be our month.Then after that scrutinizing every weird feeling i had as some sorta early pregnancy symptom, hour spent examining my breasts and cervix for early pregnancy changes, then month after month after month i would get so upset when i saw the temperature dip which indicated the arrival of af, then her subsequent arrival.
But what ive learnt from all this , is, you just need to relax and take trying off your mind, as hard as it is......cause it was only when the ob/gyn confirmed my bilateral tubal occlusion , and advised that ivf was the only option for me,, did i truly let go and just BD for bding sake and not expecting any signs and symptoms of early pregnancy...so much so that i didnt recognize or pay attention to any of the early signs and symptoms that led up to m BFP!

Jesus passed my way

So i went to church last night with my mother, and was so touched at the priest's sermon.He read from Mark chp 5 , about the woman with the hemorrhage, and how she had been suffering for 12 years, that her whole being and reality was that she was ill, not normal like the rest, set apart, she was suffering emotionally and maybe even tried to put on a front so as to go through life each day....Then he turned to the crowd and asked how many of us were like the woman with the hemorrhage, and it hit me in that moment, that it was me! I was that woman, very much like the woman with the hemorrhage i had been suffering for years with an illness(infertility) that set me apart from the rest, I indeed put on a front- pretending i didn't want children-when in truth and in fact i yearned to be normal to be able to get pregnant.
That day, when Jesus was passing by the woman with the hemorrhage being so desperate to be healed found herself in nthe crowd and knew that if she only touched Jesus's hem she would be healed, when Jesus asked who had touched him the woman came forward and he said to her by your faith you have been healed.
   I remember one time i came upon a board of infertile women who were using their faith and prayers to get pregnant, i scoffed at them , thinking , divine intervention and faith isnt going to miraculously reverse infertility.
Anyway, I became more like the woman, in that, i got to a point where i was desperate, i felt there was no way out, and i turned to Jesus, in prayer i begged him to heal me, to relieve me of this problem, for years i cried myself to sleep while begging for some divine intervention.
After years and years of an unanswered prayer, i decided to turn again to the medical field for some sorta help. Had and HSG done which concluded that i had bilateral tubal occlusion, i felt so distraught, like i was being punished for some wrond that i had done.
However, as i found out about ivf and planned when i was going to have the procedure i never gave up praying and asking God to help me.
Then low and behold on Jan 4th 2012 after madam af hadnt shown up for the christmas holiday, i got my positive pregnancy test.
  I believe that like the woman with the hemorrhage, my faith has healed me, and I thank God for that.
So to my infertile counterparts out there, i say, have faith for one day Jesus will be passing your way and you might just touch his hem and be healed!