Friday, February 24, 2012
Sinking in
so here i am still no sign of af, according to my last u/s dating im now 10w6d, im only been physically sick twice in that whole period so im kinda happy for that. I think it's finally sinking in and its safe to actually say that im pregnant! I told some of my colleagues at work, im still waiting to tell my mother in law, i kinda wanted to tell her face to face and havent seen her in a while, but i need to tell her soon cause ive gained almost 10lbs and people are gonna start asking questions soon.
Monday, February 6, 2012
oh IVF nurse
So, how do i break the news to my ivf nurse, i mean, i cant just disappear into pregnant land and not say anything, but im wondering if she will think my whole situation was just a hoax....What if i lose this baby and cant get pregnant spontaneously again and need to go to the clinic for ivf, will she take me seriously then?Any suggestions on how i should go abt breaking the news to my ivf nurse?
Friday, February 3, 2012
Infertile pregnant in a fertile wonderland!
So i joined this pregnancy board for mom who are expecting in sep 2012, cause i guess if i am pregnant ill be due some time around then, but what ive noticed , is, I dont feel welcome, its a whole different community and everyones so happy abt their pregnancy, announcing it on fb and having im pregnant parties, while i lurk in the shadows afraid to tell anyone(except u guys tht is).
I guess being infertile for so long , i just dont belong with the regularly fertile ppl, so im here hoping and praying, fingers crossed for u guys here in infertile land pleassssse hurry up and join me in this - experience tht i wanted so long and now am unable to enjoy- and lets create our infertile and pregnant community!
I guess being infertile for so long , i just dont belong with the regularly fertile ppl, so im here hoping and praying, fingers crossed for u guys here in infertile land pleassssse hurry up and join me in this - experience tht i wanted so long and now am unable to enjoy- and lets create our infertile and pregnant community!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Update well over due!
First of all let me apologize for my long stream of abscence, this is due to my pc crashing and me not decided on getting a new one just yet.
well, as i said in my last post af went awol, i went for an u/s and nothing was seen.
Well, af still hasnt shown, i have taken 3 PG tests so far,all positive, so i decided to go in for another ultrasound because i saw some spotting last friday so saturday i went to dr and he did another u/s and then says to me yes im pregnant......this coming from the same dr who told me not too long ago tht both my tubes were blocked. He went on to further say that sometimes when someone does an hsg, the pressure exerted on the tubes from the insertion of the dye can cause them to unblock. urm yes doc i understand all that but ...i did tht hsg march 2010 !
so anyway here i am, according to my lmp i should be 9wks but us dated me as 6wks, im not even bothered, not as excited as i thought id be.
I actually feel kinda bad especially as the clinic is sending me emails asking about if im still interested in the donor cycle, what am i gona say to my ivf nurse, i feel so bad, my cycle is scheduled for april and now this!
well, as i said in my last post af went awol, i went for an u/s and nothing was seen.
Well, af still hasnt shown, i have taken 3 PG tests so far,all positive, so i decided to go in for another ultrasound because i saw some spotting last friday so saturday i went to dr and he did another u/s and then says to me yes im pregnant......this coming from the same dr who told me not too long ago tht both my tubes were blocked. He went on to further say that sometimes when someone does an hsg, the pressure exerted on the tubes from the insertion of the dye can cause them to unblock. urm yes doc i understand all that but ...i did tht hsg march 2010 !
so anyway here i am, according to my lmp i should be 9wks but us dated me as 6wks, im not even bothered, not as excited as i thought id be.
I actually feel kinda bad especially as the clinic is sending me emails asking about if im still interested in the donor cycle, what am i gona say to my ivf nurse, i feel so bad, my cycle is scheduled for april and now this!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Baby maybe,........... but where?
ok so i decided not to do the beta, im just gonna let nature take its course, according to my lmp if i am im 7wks 1day, not much symptoms, ive had more when i had BFN's . My boobs are super sore, the water in the shower hurts them, im eating everything but the kitchen sink, and im extra moody, DH says i have an extra short fuse im definately pregnant, my feet started swelling yesterday , but they used to a long time ago in the days leading up to af. Right now i am not convinced that i am pregnant, and if i am it most likely is ectopic, i am however trying not to worry to much about that, but sometimes my neurotic side comes out in all her splendour, so i have obviously googled swelling feet in early pregnancy...lol sometimes u just can't help urself.
Friday, January 6, 2012
If i were normal I'd be.............
Pregnant, happy, so excited now after coming from my 6wk ultrasound today.
ok, so af was due on christmas day, she was a no show, feared she would ruin my birthday on the 1st, still no show, anyway , on the 4th i decided to do a test, as i sat on the toilet and passed the urine in a container, stopping to pull up some in the dropper and drop a couple drops onto the test strip....the familiar control line came up quickly,felt a lil sad but quckly shook tht feeling and proceeded to empty my bladder , wipe and pull up my panties, i glanced at the test again before putting it into a bag to discard....to my amazement a second line had appeared, never before had i seen such, however, i didnt feel as happy as i thought i would.
Didnt rush to tell dh cause i just didnt believe it.
Anyways, i decided to go for an u/s today as i would be 6wks due to lmp nov 23rd. However nothing was to be found on the scan, my endometrium measures 13cm thick (i think is cm she measured it) according to her as though i was expecting a period.
so i'm back to where i was before only on a vacation from af, the tech suggested i repeat the test or do blood beta but im not gonna bother, i already knw it isn't possible, thanks to tubledee and tubledum
ok, so af was due on christmas day, she was a no show, feared she would ruin my birthday on the 1st, still no show, anyway , on the 4th i decided to do a test, as i sat on the toilet and passed the urine in a container, stopping to pull up some in the dropper and drop a couple drops onto the test strip....the familiar control line came up quickly,felt a lil sad but quckly shook tht feeling and proceeded to empty my bladder , wipe and pull up my panties, i glanced at the test again before putting it into a bag to discard....to my amazement a second line had appeared, never before had i seen such, however, i didnt feel as happy as i thought i would.
Didnt rush to tell dh cause i just didnt believe it.
Anyways, i decided to go for an u/s today as i would be 6wks due to lmp nov 23rd. However nothing was to be found on the scan, my endometrium measures 13cm thick (i think is cm she measured it) according to her as though i was expecting a period.
so i'm back to where i was before only on a vacation from af, the tech suggested i repeat the test or do blood beta but im not gonna bother, i already knw it isn't possible, thanks to tubledee and tubledum
Friday, December 30, 2011
My biggest regret ever!
When i was 14 yrs old, i met this guy, but he liked all my friends and didnt seem interested in me, one day i decided to get to the bottom of it, as , i was as pretty, as tall , as slim as all the friends of mine that he liked, but he just didnt seem interested in me! So that faithful day i decided to go to his place , i prepared myself to woo him, i shaved my legs, put on the shortest skirt i owned and well oiled my skin, i was shining like a brand new coin. I arrive at his place, he is suprised to see me, but happy, we start chatting and laughing away, then he suggests we have sex, i immediately said no! He tried to coax me wrestled with me until he got me panties off, and said he was keeping them, i told him i really dont care whether he keeps them or not im leaving, on making my way out he grabs me and forces himself onto me and has sex with me....I didn't cry or anyting, after he finished he said he couldn't help himself......I simply left. In the days following the episode he starts coming around my home professing his love for me, my sister at this point has been charmed by him good manners and is shocked at the way i ignore him and deny him entry into our house, days upon days he serenades me at the gates to no avail.
The next month(September) , school re opens, the first day i go , im extremely tired, my head hurts when i get home, and i can't wait to get into bed . Days go by and my fatigue increases, i just brush it off thinking its because of the long break from school and my body having to re adjust. I n October my friends have a birthday party, i wear a new dress my sister bought me, at the party everyone is obsessing over my boobs, oh how big they've gotten (my friends pont out) i on the other hand am oblivious to this but welcome the extra attention. About a week or so after some friends come over to m house for a cook and we mix a mild alcoholic drink, after they leave i take a drink from our delicious milky cocktail...mins after i feel sick, want to vomit, my mother's home so i cant let her hear me, i stick my head out the window and vomit my heart out.
By this point I am suspicious, something is definately up, my period has been M.I.A, my mom's asking questions, im throwing up at school, sleeping excessively, eating all the apples i can find at any hour day or night......The following month, my mother decides to get to the bottom of this no period thing and decides to examine my breasts...omg im lactating, she flips! gets a pregnancy test and asks me to poas, im in the bathroom wondering what the hell should i do! then denial sets in , I am not pregnant there's no way. So, i decided to poas and hand it to my mom WTH it's a plus sign as dark as blood....im doomed!
My mom makes an appointment at the dr, when we go in he does an ultrasound...im 13wks pregnant!
On the drive home mom asks me what i want to do, i tell her i dont want to keep the baby!(that was the worst decision i have ever made!) so a couple days after we return to the dr , only this time its for a termination, i recover over the weekend and return to school as normal on monday.
I feel free, so happy that my problem has been solved, little do i know that , that one mistake changed my life forever!
Right now im suffering from secondary infertility due to bilateral tubal occlusion, most likely secondary to infection from the termination!
My baby most likely would have been born the following may, and would be around 12 now, I probably would have had a few more by now, Instead im suffering , dreaming every night of holding my baby in my arms, jealous of pregnant women, in love with all children, having to come up with a large sum of money to get something that i couldve had FREE!
The next month(September) , school re opens, the first day i go , im extremely tired, my head hurts when i get home, and i can't wait to get into bed . Days go by and my fatigue increases, i just brush it off thinking its because of the long break from school and my body having to re adjust. I n October my friends have a birthday party, i wear a new dress my sister bought me, at the party everyone is obsessing over my boobs, oh how big they've gotten (my friends pont out) i on the other hand am oblivious to this but welcome the extra attention. About a week or so after some friends come over to m house for a cook and we mix a mild alcoholic drink, after they leave i take a drink from our delicious milky cocktail...mins after i feel sick, want to vomit, my mother's home so i cant let her hear me, i stick my head out the window and vomit my heart out.
By this point I am suspicious, something is definately up, my period has been M.I.A, my mom's asking questions, im throwing up at school, sleeping excessively, eating all the apples i can find at any hour day or night......The following month, my mother decides to get to the bottom of this no period thing and decides to examine my breasts...omg im lactating, she flips! gets a pregnancy test and asks me to poas, im in the bathroom wondering what the hell should i do! then denial sets in , I am not pregnant there's no way. So, i decided to poas and hand it to my mom WTH it's a plus sign as dark as blood....im doomed!
My mom makes an appointment at the dr, when we go in he does an ultrasound...im 13wks pregnant!
On the drive home mom asks me what i want to do, i tell her i dont want to keep the baby!(that was the worst decision i have ever made!) so a couple days after we return to the dr , only this time its for a termination, i recover over the weekend and return to school as normal on monday.
I feel free, so happy that my problem has been solved, little do i know that , that one mistake changed my life forever!
Right now im suffering from secondary infertility due to bilateral tubal occlusion, most likely secondary to infection from the termination!
My baby most likely would have been born the following may, and would be around 12 now, I probably would have had a few more by now, Instead im suffering , dreaming every night of holding my baby in my arms, jealous of pregnant women, in love with all children, having to come up with a large sum of money to get something that i couldve had FREE!
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